corrinesbell | 108. Plain

I was okay when I came to see you in the barracks.

[Look at that lie. So bold-faced. Maybe we can conceal it better behind blowing on the tea.]

No... you weren't. You shouldn't have left them when you did.

...I wasn't staying there, though. And when I got back home I got in trouble for it, anyway.

I know you weren't staying there. But it might have been better if you did, for the night. ... Even though we technically got kicked out the next day.

I sort of remember someone shouting.

... that was Simon.

No way. Simon doesn't shout anything.

... Lets just say he was another of the drastically affected. Which means that he probably feels terrible about his actions right now and is more likely than not hiding it out in one of his tunnels.

...I know that feeling.

[That's the feeling that kept her up all night. Sheena makes a face and sips at her tea.]

I knew that you would. Perhaps... you can help him come to terms with it. It might help you do the same as well.

Edited 2010-08-23 05:59 (UTC)

I don't know him that well. ...And anyway I'm not having a problem dealing with it. Well, not a big one. I feel really bad but after apologizing to people...there's not a whole lot I can do.

If people forgive you... you can come to terms with forgiving yourself.

Hopefully that won't be too big of a problem.

...You're kinda doing it again, though. What's up?

[She has that look. The not-quite looking at Sheena, not-quite looking down at her teacup, somewhere off to the side and a thousand miles away.]

... Sorry, I was thinking of something else. But I'm sure you'll be able to... come to terms with everything soon enough. This isn't something anyone would be willing to hold over you. They -- shouldn't.

Raine, I'm fine. I'm starting to think maybe you're not okay with...something. Whatever you remember.

You're the one who came here and could barely stammer an apology to begin with... it's not too much of a stretch to think that you'd continue to be hard on yourself.

I'm -- fine, really.

I didn't even think you were gonna talk to me. [Things got steadily better after she accepted that apology]

Okay then. I'm just as 'fine' as you are.

You really thought that...?

Why would I make that up?

[And she's just plain bad at apologies sometimes.]

... I see. [She falls silent, looking down at her tea.]

[Silent also, but probably for a different reason. She lets go of the tea to fold her hands on the table.]

[Raine supposed that she shouldn't be too bothered by it. After all, hadn't she been expecting something similar once she woke up from her coma? Foolishly apologizing for being a burden. Even if it had been true.

In any case, she doesn't really know what to say right now. She's still silent for a few more moments, contemplating the teacup and contents. When she speaks again, her tone is quiet, again very distant.]

... You're right. I'm not really 'fine' with my memories. Mostly because they seem to match up a little too well. It's blurry and disorienting. It would be easier if I had been more different, to set aside that person as someone who wasn't me, and not have to deal with it. Others are dealing with worse, so it's not as if I have room to complain.

[To tell the truth, Sheena hadn't been expecting Raine to say anything. She stays quiet for a few more minutes, after Raine's done.]

Complaining and trying to get yourself sorted out are different.

I can deal with it. I just... didn't expect it to be like this.

What's giving you the biggest problem?

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